How did my grandmother’s struggles help shape my mom and her siblings?
My earliest memory of my grandma and grandpa was when I was 9 years old. To me, my grandma, Enedina, and my grandpa, Pedro seemed in love. They seemed happy and as an only child of a single mom, I was intrigued. My grandma was always so attentive to whatever my grandfather needed and although my grandfather wasn’t the same, he looked at her as if she was the only one who mattered. I had seen enough telenovelas to know that despite the way he acted, my grandfather actually cared for her. After I left back to New York, I remember pestering my mom for days about my father. I wanted her to have what I thought my grandparents had. Although my mom never seemed to care for a relationship, I urged her and my single aunts and uncles to look for someone. I found it puzzling that they didn’t want the same thing their parents had and I didn't learn the answer as to why until much later.
My grandma, Enedina Herrera, was born on March 26, 1934 in a small town in Mexico called Chiautla. She grew up in a household with both parents, 2 older brothers and 3 younger sisters. During my grandma’s childhood years, men ruled the house and the women were there to listen and care for their husbands. My grandma said that once she reached adolescence, her father would order her around and she’d get punished if she didn't listen or if she messed up. She said that very few women from Chiautla did try to help each other but a lot of the women just didn’t do anything. Whenever a younger girl would talk against the way these houses was run, almost all the older women would call her an “idiot” or call her “princess” in a way to make fun of her for thinking she deserved better. They would usually tell these girls “no seas ingrata” (don’t be ungrateful).
My grandma was married and pregnant before she even turned 17. She married my grandfather, Pedro Mendez, in 1949. Unlike my grandma who was 15 when she married, my grandfather was actually 19 at that time. She said that during that time, in Chiautla, it was pretty common for young girls to marry older men. Fathers would marry their daughters off in a sort of exchange for different things like goods, money or just social connections. As barbaric as it sounds, this was enforced and celebrated. My grandmother cried during her wedding party. She was still just a child and she wasn't ready to leave her home. Eventually, my grandma moved in with my grandfather and had her first child when she was 16. Her first baby was a boy who she named Luis. Unfortunately, my uncle Luis passed away within a month and so did the next 3 children my grandmother had. My grandparents didn’t have enough money for treatment and my grandma blamed my grandfather for the babies’ deaths. He wasted a lot of the small amount of money they had on gambling. She resented him but never said anything because that wasn't the way she was raised. To this day, my grandma drops off flowers at their tombstones outside a tiny church in the outskirts of Chiautla.
Anyone who is around my mom and her siblings can sense how protective and close-knit they are about each other, my uncles especially. They grew up protecting each other and their mother from their father and his outdated ways. Because of this, they all matured faster than they would have liked to and although they love their father despite his flaws, they resent him too. My mom and her siblings didn’t have the same mindset most of the other had in Chiautla and the reason for that is that they saw my grandparents’ unhappy relationship growing up. While everyone was content staying where they were, my mom and her siblings knew they wanted more than what Chiautla had to offer. Coming from such a small town, it’s astounding how they didn’t want to fit into the norm. My aunts and my mom wanted to make money for themselves and didn't want to depend or succumb to a man while my uncles never wanted to be the type of man my grandfather was to their mom. As his children, they could see that what he did to their mother wasn't right. My grandma’s experience taught all of them not only to empower themselves and demand respect but also to go against whatever they don’t agree with despite the odds.
My mother first moved to New York City in 1984, when she was 18, after deciding it was time she moved forward. She says she never had plans on getting married or even having children until she felt she fully lived life. She saw how miserable my grandma seemed when she talked about her past and realized that that wasn't the life for her. In a sense, my grandma empowered and motivated my mom to achieve a great life because initially my mom just wanted to help get my grandma out of her own bad life but after a while, a fulfilling life is what she wanted for herself. My mom knew if she ever hoped to be happy, she’d had to leave the small town, no matter how painful it may be. She often says that her move to New York was one of the best she’s ever made. New York and the independence people seemed to carry around made her feel even stronger about her decision.
For me, I grew up with basically my whole family around me. Their beliefs and morals wore off on me and made me the way I am today and all of my cousins are the same way too. My family wanted us to stand up for what we are passionate about, they wanted us to be strong and they wanted us to be independent especially the girls in the family. I think, in a sense, I resemble my mom when it comes to getting married. Personally, I don’t want to get married especially not if I haven’t experienced my life to the fullest. I also fear what my mom feared the most, which was to be tied down and trapped. My grandma’s experience made my mom and her siblings cautious and I think that passed down to me too. I’d like to think that marriage isn't something so malicious but my grandparents are the only reference I have considering my aunts and uncles never married either. They have their own little families but not surprisingly, none of them have made an attempt to marry. I don’t blame my family for passing down some of these thoughts onto me and my cousins because I know it couldn't have been easy to see their parents’ dysfunctional marriage.
I don’t differ from my family and surprisingly, I’m okay with that. My family is strong and hardworking and despite their flaws, they have good morals. They show perseverance for a better life and I think that’s something admirable. I like talking to my mom and uncles and aunts because they get so passionate about America. Even though it’s not their native country, they have such love for the U.S. and know that even through the racism they sometimes encounter, the U.S. is where they are happy. It makes me happy to know that when they refer to ‘home’, they refer to the US and not Chiautla.
My earliest memory of my grandma and grandpa was when I was 9 years old. To me, my grandma, Enedina, and my grandpa, Pedro seemed in love. They seemed happy and as an only child of a single mom, I was intrigued. My grandma was always so attentive to whatever my grandfather needed and although my grandfather wasn’t the same, he looked at her as if she was the only one who mattered. I had seen enough telenovelas to know that despite the way he acted, my grandfather actually cared for her. After I left back to New York, I remember pestering my mom for days about my father. I wanted her to have what I thought my grandparents had. Although my mom never seemed to care for a relationship, I urged her and my single aunts and uncles to look for someone. I found it puzzling that they didn’t want the same thing their parents had and I didn't learn the answer as to why until much later.
My grandma, Enedina Herrera, was born on March 26, 1934 in a small town in Mexico called Chiautla. She grew up in a household with both parents, 2 older brothers and 3 younger sisters. During my grandma’s childhood years, men ruled the house and the women were there to listen and care for their husbands. My grandma said that once she reached adolescence, her father would order her around and she’d get punished if she didn't listen or if she messed up. She said that very few women from Chiautla did try to help each other but a lot of the women just didn’t do anything. Whenever a younger girl would talk against the way these houses was run, almost all the older women would call her an “idiot” or call her “princess” in a way to make fun of her for thinking she deserved better. They would usually tell these girls “no seas ingrata” (don’t be ungrateful).
My grandma was married and pregnant before she even turned 17. She married my grandfather, Pedro Mendez, in 1949. Unlike my grandma who was 15 when she married, my grandfather was actually 19 at that time. She said that during that time, in Chiautla, it was pretty common for young girls to marry older men. Fathers would marry their daughters off in a sort of exchange for different things like goods, money or just social connections. As barbaric as it sounds, this was enforced and celebrated. My grandmother cried during her wedding party. She was still just a child and she wasn't ready to leave her home. Eventually, my grandma moved in with my grandfather and had her first child when she was 16. Her first baby was a boy who she named Luis. Unfortunately, my uncle Luis passed away within a month and so did the next 3 children my grandmother had. My grandparents didn’t have enough money for treatment and my grandma blamed my grandfather for the babies’ deaths. He wasted a lot of the small amount of money they had on gambling. She resented him but never said anything because that wasn't the way she was raised. To this day, my grandma drops off flowers at their tombstones outside a tiny church in the outskirts of Chiautla.
Anyone who is around my mom and her siblings can sense how protective and close-knit they are about each other, my uncles especially. They grew up protecting each other and their mother from their father and his outdated ways. Because of this, they all matured faster than they would have liked to and although they love their father despite his flaws, they resent him too. My mom and her siblings didn’t have the same mindset most of the other had in Chiautla and the reason for that is that they saw my grandparents’ unhappy relationship growing up. While everyone was content staying where they were, my mom and her siblings knew they wanted more than what Chiautla had to offer. Coming from such a small town, it’s astounding how they didn’t want to fit into the norm. My aunts and my mom wanted to make money for themselves and didn't want to depend or succumb to a man while my uncles never wanted to be the type of man my grandfather was to their mom. As his children, they could see that what he did to their mother wasn't right. My grandma’s experience taught all of them not only to empower themselves and demand respect but also to go against whatever they don’t agree with despite the odds.
My mother first moved to New York City in 1984, when she was 18, after deciding it was time she moved forward. She says she never had plans on getting married or even having children until she felt she fully lived life. She saw how miserable my grandma seemed when she talked about her past and realized that that wasn't the life for her. In a sense, my grandma empowered and motivated my mom to achieve a great life because initially my mom just wanted to help get my grandma out of her own bad life but after a while, a fulfilling life is what she wanted for herself. My mom knew if she ever hoped to be happy, she’d had to leave the small town, no matter how painful it may be. She often says that her move to New York was one of the best she’s ever made. New York and the independence people seemed to carry around made her feel even stronger about her decision.
For me, I grew up with basically my whole family around me. Their beliefs and morals wore off on me and made me the way I am today and all of my cousins are the same way too. My family wanted us to stand up for what we are passionate about, they wanted us to be strong and they wanted us to be independent especially the girls in the family. I think, in a sense, I resemble my mom when it comes to getting married. Personally, I don’t want to get married especially not if I haven’t experienced my life to the fullest. I also fear what my mom feared the most, which was to be tied down and trapped. My grandma’s experience made my mom and her siblings cautious and I think that passed down to me too. I’d like to think that marriage isn't something so malicious but my grandparents are the only reference I have considering my aunts and uncles never married either. They have their own little families but not surprisingly, none of them have made an attempt to marry. I don’t blame my family for passing down some of these thoughts onto me and my cousins because I know it couldn't have been easy to see their parents’ dysfunctional marriage.
I don’t differ from my family and surprisingly, I’m okay with that. My family is strong and hardworking and despite their flaws, they have good morals. They show perseverance for a better life and I think that’s something admirable. I like talking to my mom and uncles and aunts because they get so passionate about America. Even though it’s not their native country, they have such love for the U.S. and know that even through the racism they sometimes encounter, the U.S. is where they are happy. It makes me happy to know that when they refer to ‘home’, they refer to the US and not Chiautla.